Waiting for something......

I feel like I am in limbo.......just waiting for something to happen. It was so wonderful being in school because you could really look forward to graduating, moving, making money, etc. Now I am out of school and I feel like I have nothing to look forward. I make money to pay my bills and feel emotionally exhausted from this job I have chosen. I feel like a robot.....I do the same things day in and day out and have no true enjoyment outside of the work place that also causes complete exhaustion. I have zero friends. I feel like I am in the film of Mean Girls. I suppose it is up to me if I want to win them over but that is the thing.....I have friends and I love them and I miss them. So now I feel like I am waiting for lightning to strike my life and change it so it feels more manageable. In the meantime, I try to not sleep too much, try to smile and laugh even when alone and try to stay positive while I wait.

My Car Horn

I rarely use the horn but today I felt overjoyed to honk it again and again. Each corner I passed there were individuals holding signs out asking for support for Prop 8. As I passed each corner, I honked my horn in support and found myself smiling and feeling excited. I am disappointed tonight because even with the support I saw in Sacramento for Prop 8, it seems that more individuals voted yes and have chosen to discriminate rather than support equal rights. Tonight you here that history has been made by electing an African American president yet the discrimination and inequality lives on but within a different group.

Rouble

He was so unexpected. It was fun. It was short-lived but I think worth it.

He has so much to learn. I know that and it is probably best that I am not the one to teach him. Although I continue to miss him and am shocked to hear about his decisions like a new scooter that now does not seem to run. Lessons learned I suppose and I am glad that I am not in the middle of it.

I miss him but then again I don't. Who likes to find a posting on craigslist for a woman to live free in his home with the main duty of keeping food in the fridge and making the apartment a warm home. Also, hearing about his date that he did not realize was a date. Cultural issues were a daily battle. Now I can hear his stories and chuckle and they do not cause so much stress in my life.

I hope he realizes how kind I was to him and how much of a treat it was for me to have a partner in crime even if it was only for a short time.

A Friday Morning in Downtown Sac

I woke up on Friday morning and as usual I was running late. I quickly got ready and ran out the door to find one of my tires very low on air. I evaluated the situation and decided it would not hurt to drive it to a gas station to put air in it so I could get to work. I pulled into the ARCO gas station and backed in next to the air machine that was next to the dumpster. As I got out of the car, I noticed a homeless woman digging through the dumpster. She had found some nachos and was having a pretty awful breakfast......I thought to myself once I fill the tire I will buy her breakfast in the mini-mart. As I was crouched down filling my tire, I see her move towards me, pull down her pants and squat about 5 feet away from me. She relieved herself and when I glanced over she gave me a glare. To say the least I was so weirded out, I did not buy her breakfast. I feel somewhat badly, but she looked so mean.

Life after school

I was so excited to graduate and to work and be paid money. Now I look back and wish I was in school.......I guess the grass is always greener!

Sacramento is comfortable and there are a lot of trees. I love in the "city of trees". The streets are beautiful and I love the way it feels. Although I miss my friends. I gave up the life I knew all so I could afford to live alone and make a little more money. I miss my friends.

The move is good though. I think it is good to shake things up a bit. Also everyone seems to be at critical points in their lives with new jobs, new careers and new marriages. We are all so busy but all seem so alone too. I miss the days of the orange couch with Mel, burgers at PSA with Claud, dinner with my OC Mom, dropping by Pauline's to see the dogs and hang out, brownies with Aura, breakfast with Kristin and having Ari nearby. I miss them all.

The big "30" is right around the corner. I am angry at my wonderful friends b/c they have converted me to love birthday celebreations. Now I am on my own for my 30th and it seems quite depressing to ring in my 30th on my own. I suppose it is reality......and I will have breakfast with the family. :) I guess this is what getting older is all about.

My new home!

I found a home in Sacramento to rent! I am so excited. It makes it all more real. It is a beautiful place and I hope that I will be very happy there.