Hidden Gems

Hidden Gems
Experiences We Don't Understand

Sometimes we have an experience that we don't understand, but if we look deeply, or wait long enough, a reason for that experience will usually reveal itself. All the events in our lives lead to other events, and all that we have manifested in this present moment is the result of past events and experiences. We cannot easily tease apart the many threads that have been woven together to create our current reality. Experiences that don't make sense, as well as any that we regret, are just as responsible for the good things in our lives as the experiences we do understand or label as "good."

This is especially important to remember at times when we feel directionless or unsure of what to do. It is often at times like these that we take a job or move to a place without really knowing if it's the right thing to do. We may ultimately end up leaving the job or the place, but often during that time we will have met someone who becomes an important friend, or we may have an experience that changes us in a profound way. When all the pieces of our life don't quite make sense, we can remember that there may be some hidden gem of a reason that we are where we are having the experiences we are having.

It's fun to look back on past experiences with an eye to uncovering those gems—the dreadful temporary job in a bland office building that introduced you to the love of your life; the roommate you couldn't tolerate who gave you a book that changed your life; the time spent living in a city you didn't like that led you into a deeper relationship with yourself. Remembering these past experiences can restore our faith in the present. Life is full of buried treasures. Chances are, you're sitting on some right now.

It was a date

It was a date. It was a great date and it was followed by many more great dates. I truly thought I could wait patiently for him to come around, but why would I think I can wait patiently??!!! I have never waited patiently...patience is not in my make-up. It is hard to swallow that he just cannot open up to me but how long was I supposed to wait?? It has been almost 4 months.....yet we seemed to be stalled. I wanted to show him that I was able to wait and that he was worth it, but I am always waiting for someone and I am just sick of waiting. Is it wrong that I want it to be a little easier....will this lack of effort cause me to stay single forever? I hate that I let myself fall for him. I put myself out there and it looks like it is going to be a hard fall once I truly hit bottom. I have feelings of anger, sadness relief and bitterness. Why couldn't he say "No, I don't want to lose you" instead of "I guess you are right" and "I don't know what to tell you". Does he know how special he made me feel? How I looked forward to his morning calls but then the phone stopped ringing. Even the thoughtful TOY and 823 messages stopped. I am not the one for him. I keep trying to remind myself that there are more guys out there, but it is just so hard to think about trying to find someone who understands me half as well as he did.

Date or not?

He asked me if we "Could go have a beer soon?". I thought nothing of it...until the playful follow up emails. Hmmm. So was it a a date or not? He told me it would be his treat but I offerred to pay and we decided he would get odd rounds and I would get even. We both seemed anxious for Friday...

He picked me up from work and drove me to a little bar. It was cute. We enjoyed our beer and we ended up having 3 and he payed for them all. What happened to our deal? He said he was just teasing. We had nice conversation and it flowed easily. He is a very open person and he is really good at teasing me. He does not hold back. After our drinks we walked back to the car and he realized we had not eaten! He was tired but very persistent that we should eat. We ate at a coffee shop (only thing open) and he paid again! He took me back to my car and turned the engine off. That confused me but we had a nice conversation....he was such a gentleman...he even got out of the car when I did to say goodbye to me. It was wonderful.

To make things even better he called me the next night....it had to have been a date. I cannot wait until he gets home from his trip.

My Dad

My Dad is a pretty unbelievable man. He was always a bit strict and quick tempered when growing up but with each passing year he has grown into being a wonderful father. We became close when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. My Dad and I were the primary people involved and we offerred one another strength when times seemed so tough. When my Mom's health returned, I was off to college. My Dad called me about 5 days a week to check in and to just to let me know he was thinking of me. He became the person who kept me up to date with our other family members and over the 5 years of me living down here he became the one person I could tell anything to. He never seems to pass judgement and if he does he calls later to rectify his quick judgement. The years seem to have helped him become more open to just about everything. He is one of the people who truly understand me. He means so much to me!



About 3 years ago he picked up horseback riding. He loves it! He rides with a bunch of women and they are members of some riding club. Roger is his horse....I am not so crazy about Roger...probably because he once cornered me when I was holding a handful of carrots and I thought the horse was going to trample me! Dad yelled to me put your arms up! So I did and the horse backed up! Thank goodness because Roger is huge.



Life has been a little tough for my parents and my Dad really seems to have most of the stress on him. Even though he is living in a 44 foot trailer and barely has any of his own things, he always has something positive to say. His attitude is great. He often says silly inspirational things which really can make you laugh. Considering he came to America when he was only 23 years old with only 50 dollars in his pocket, it is quite amazing that he is so accomplished! I am very proud of my Dad and so thankful to have him in my life!

When a change is needed.....sometimes we are forced to make the change

A friend made that statement to me tonight and I completely believe it. I knew I should not have been eating that Chineese food! Healthy eating is the goal.....the food poisoning will likely help me reach that goal.

Single Friends, Dating and Relationships

She told me today how she had noticed just how frustrating it is to listen to all of her friends talk about how wonderful it is to have their boyfriends! I completely understand. It is not that we are not happy for them but it certainly forces you to remember that there is no one stealing the covers at night and no one to wake up to in the morning. It is tough....but at least our friends have found good guys....it will eventually happen again for us too.

I was talking to a friend the other day and she asked me when I had last had a "real" relationship? I started thinking and I realized that it has been since about early 2001...or late 2000...I am not even sure. So it has been about six years since I have had someone who I have called my boyfriend. WOW! I had not really sat down and thought about how long I have been single. Of course I have dated in those years and even had a couple of long term "dating relationships" (he was too scared to be my boyfriend but I think it has turned out to be in my benefit!) but wow six years. I think I have forgotten how I acted when I had a boyfriend. Did I slowly start losing my friends or did I make time for my friends. I know when we meet that special someone it is hard to think of anyone but them and often times we forget to make time for our friends. Is that natural? Should I expect my friends with boyfriends to always set me to the side and only call when they have a fight and suddenly need their friends again? Did I do that to my friends back in the day when I had a boyfriend? I know that when I find a special person to spend time with again that I will remember to continue to make time for my friends. Obviously my friends have been my life for over 6 years and how could I cut them out when a special someone comes along? I hope I will be able to be a good friend and girlfriend. I guess I better get a boyfriend before I stress too much!

When I asked about that guy and if he was still dating that girl....you should not sound so sad to tell me that they are still happily dating. It is ok. I am happy for them! I like him and I am happy he is happy. You are a silly girl....trust me I am more resilient(sp?) than I act at times.

That damn movie today made me cry! I must bury all of my feelings and that is why I suddenly explode and cannot hold it in.....I do it all the time when watching movies. I am such a nerd....I guess I am just too darn emotional. I have lost him for good. It is a good thing but it is hard. We will never talk again unless we bump into each other and I think out of respect for him I will avoid that. My words are sometimes so cold and hateful. I spoke those words out of frustration but of course there was some truth as well. The only reason I even started contacting him again is b/c of the lack of contact from the person I currently have a crush on. The crush will just be a crush and I can only hope that we will stay friends. I obviously was not what he wanted but I warned him about that...yet he wanted to see for himself. I really felt like we had a connection but maybe it was all in my imagination. I suppose it was....as he has stated "All things are possible, but not all things are probable". He is out there desperately searching for someone but I feel like I could be a fit for him but I don't think he sees it. One friend told me I should be bold and honest and just tell him I felt a connection and that I have a little crush. I told her she was crazy. Why do I want to put myself out on the edge like that? I just don't think I am brave enough to do that just yet....maybe after another 1/2 a bottle of Captain Morgan I will be able to accomplish it! :) So now I have no one...a blessing, yes but I am certainly feeling alone and doing entirely too much work at work b/c I have no one to email/IM with all day long! I guess the lack of a man in my life at least allows for some job security!

Pool Time

Four girls relaxing by the pool today! Good company, good conversation and many laughs. All we needed was a little more sun. Another good weekend! I truly do live for the weekends!

Catching up with old friends

Last weekend it was a friend from elementary school and this weekend it was my cousin who I had not seen for 10 years or so and a friend from high school! I never thought that I would have enjoyed it all so much. It is fun to recall old stories and be reminded of things you had thought you had long forgotten. It was a great weekend once again!!

The unexpected weekend

It was unexpectedly great. Who would have thought? Not me! I guess it is important to open up to people every once in a while. I really was shocked that I enjoyed myself....I hope we do it again sometime in the future.

Boston

I arrived last night and was shocked by how warm the city was and I felt at home right away! I really like it here. Last night we took the "T" to the North End and enjoyed some delicious pizza and then waited in line for some pastries from Mike's Pastry. We walked back and wandered along the perimeter of the Boston Common and saw the cemetery where John Adams, Sam Adams, Paul Revere and some other historical people are buried. We also went down Newbury where all of the shopping is at.......Sarah and Katie were good tour guides and I enjoyed the walk.

Today we woke up and headed to the bagel shop near Boston University. There are sooo many young people here! We were very close to Fenway Park and there were tons of people on their way to the game. The city is really beautiful and it is not too overwhelming....the people are casual and it seems like anything goes. Now I am going to go and try to take a run....Markus called and I figured I better try to work off the pizza I ate!

Scary because it is pretty true!

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

An amazing day

I met a family today who was amazing. They remind me of what type of a family I want. Their strength was unwavering and their hearts were full of unconditional love for their son. It was very inspirational.

Valentine's day

Wow! I think the only good thing about this day is that I truly feel I am allowed to eat all the candy and junk food I want. I ate so much chocolate. It was certainly a memorable Valentine's and I think I learned something about myself.....now I just have to figure out what I am going to do about my epiphany. Funny stuff. So I knocked one out of the race....who is next?