It was a date

It was a date. It was a great date and it was followed by many more great dates. I truly thought I could wait patiently for him to come around, but why would I think I can wait patiently??!!! I have never waited patiently...patience is not in my make-up. It is hard to swallow that he just cannot open up to me but how long was I supposed to wait?? It has been almost 4 months.....yet we seemed to be stalled. I wanted to show him that I was able to wait and that he was worth it, but I am always waiting for someone and I am just sick of waiting. Is it wrong that I want it to be a little easier....will this lack of effort cause me to stay single forever? I hate that I let myself fall for him. I put myself out there and it looks like it is going to be a hard fall once I truly hit bottom. I have feelings of anger, sadness relief and bitterness. Why couldn't he say "No, I don't want to lose you" instead of "I guess you are right" and "I don't know what to tell you". Does he know how special he made me feel? How I looked forward to his morning calls but then the phone stopped ringing. Even the thoughtful TOY and 823 messages stopped. I am not the one for him. I keep trying to remind myself that there are more guys out there, but it is just so hard to think about trying to find someone who understands me half as well as he did.