Waiting for something......

I feel like I am in limbo.......just waiting for something to happen. It was so wonderful being in school because you could really look forward to graduating, moving, making money, etc. Now I am out of school and I feel like I have nothing to look forward. I make money to pay my bills and feel emotionally exhausted from this job I have chosen. I feel like a robot.....I do the same things day in and day out and have no true enjoyment outside of the work place that also causes complete exhaustion. I have zero friends. I feel like I am in the film of Mean Girls. I suppose it is up to me if I want to win them over but that is the thing.....I have friends and I love them and I miss them. So now I feel like I am waiting for lightning to strike my life and change it so it feels more manageable. In the meantime, I try to not sleep too much, try to smile and laugh even when alone and try to stay positive while I wait.

My Car Horn

I rarely use the horn but today I felt overjoyed to honk it again and again. Each corner I passed there were individuals holding signs out asking for support for Prop 8. As I passed each corner, I honked my horn in support and found myself smiling and feeling excited. I am disappointed tonight because even with the support I saw in Sacramento for Prop 8, it seems that more individuals voted yes and have chosen to discriminate rather than support equal rights. Tonight you here that history has been made by electing an African American president yet the discrimination and inequality lives on but within a different group.

Rouble

He was so unexpected. It was fun. It was short-lived but I think worth it.

He has so much to learn. I know that and it is probably best that I am not the one to teach him. Although I continue to miss him and am shocked to hear about his decisions like a new scooter that now does not seem to run. Lessons learned I suppose and I am glad that I am not in the middle of it.

I miss him but then again I don't. Who likes to find a posting on craigslist for a woman to live free in his home with the main duty of keeping food in the fridge and making the apartment a warm home. Also, hearing about his date that he did not realize was a date. Cultural issues were a daily battle. Now I can hear his stories and chuckle and they do not cause so much stress in my life.

I hope he realizes how kind I was to him and how much of a treat it was for me to have a partner in crime even if it was only for a short time.

A Friday Morning in Downtown Sac

I woke up on Friday morning and as usual I was running late. I quickly got ready and ran out the door to find one of my tires very low on air. I evaluated the situation and decided it would not hurt to drive it to a gas station to put air in it so I could get to work. I pulled into the ARCO gas station and backed in next to the air machine that was next to the dumpster. As I got out of the car, I noticed a homeless woman digging through the dumpster. She had found some nachos and was having a pretty awful breakfast......I thought to myself once I fill the tire I will buy her breakfast in the mini-mart. As I was crouched down filling my tire, I see her move towards me, pull down her pants and squat about 5 feet away from me. She relieved herself and when I glanced over she gave me a glare. To say the least I was so weirded out, I did not buy her breakfast. I feel somewhat badly, but she looked so mean.

Life after school

I was so excited to graduate and to work and be paid money. Now I look back and wish I was in school.......I guess the grass is always greener!

Sacramento is comfortable and there are a lot of trees. I love in the "city of trees". The streets are beautiful and I love the way it feels. Although I miss my friends. I gave up the life I knew all so I could afford to live alone and make a little more money. I miss my friends.

The move is good though. I think it is good to shake things up a bit. Also everyone seems to be at critical points in their lives with new jobs, new careers and new marriages. We are all so busy but all seem so alone too. I miss the days of the orange couch with Mel, burgers at PSA with Claud, dinner with my OC Mom, dropping by Pauline's to see the dogs and hang out, brownies with Aura, breakfast with Kristin and having Ari nearby. I miss them all.

The big "30" is right around the corner. I am angry at my wonderful friends b/c they have converted me to love birthday celebreations. Now I am on my own for my 30th and it seems quite depressing to ring in my 30th on my own. I suppose it is reality......and I will have breakfast with the family. :) I guess this is what getting older is all about.

My new home!

I found a home in Sacramento to rent! I am so excited. It makes it all more real. It is a beautiful place and I hope that I will be very happy there.

Wedding Bells

I was talking to my Dad tonight and he let me know that I could not get married for a couple of years. We laughed heartily. I told him that he did not have anything to worry about. We laughed how I may soon be a nun living in Reno working as a genetic counselor. :) We laughed more. Then he got serious and reminded me that God has a plan for each of us and it will all work out for me too.

29

It is almost my birthday. My 29th birthday. Where has the time gone? I can't believe it. It has only gotten better with each year so I do look forward to my 29th year. I am pretty happy with where I am so far in my life. I am certainly not on schedule (the schedule I made when I was 14) but hey.....better late than never! It looks like I will finally have a career pinned down so I can stop fretting about education and a future career. My family and friends are great. I could not ask for better friends. I only wish some of them were closer. I finally traveled outside of the country (excluding Canada and Mexico) this year. It was fabulous. I hope that my future holds many trips. A friend of mine is frustrated by her life b/c she did not get a degree but she has a wonderful husband and a good career. Her sister is frustrated because she is alone. I saw a list of all the countries she has traveled to and it was very long. We all have different things in our lives that we are lucky to have or to experience. I just wonder how we decide which route we will take. The grass is always greener on the other side. I always think of that saying. I feel lucky and happy. I still have so much to learn about life and from people I continue to meet. I just can't help to wonder if I will be alone. If I will be a "cat lady" but with dogs instead of cats. Would that be so bad? I guess it depends on if I can accept it. I did the couples dinner the other night. It was easier than San Felipe but still difficult. At the end of dinner when we all stood up and everyone paired off and I got in my own car and was alone. Once we got to the next place we were going to and all met up, I did not think about it again. I guess that is also due to the quality of my friends. We have so much fun together that I did not notice I was alone. My hopes for the coming year include: to be stronger, to be more confident, to make more time for my friends, to pay better attention when people speak to me, to get in shape again, to follow through with goals I set, to graduate, leaving my comfort zone and to work on accepting my weaknesses. Here is to another year in this little life of mine! :)

9 months (and no I am not pregnant)

Just 9 more months of school! I am going to make it work and I cannot wait to get paid again. School is just as stressful as ever but I am going to try and be less involved and concentrate on me!