October

The months are flying by so quickly! It seems as if it is the beginning of the month but now it is the end. October has been interesting.

I cannot believe the house is gone. My parents are amazing. They cried and still cry but they wake each day with a renewed positive attitude. I am very saddened by their loss. I worry about them so much. I know the stress is so much for them because I have an overwhelming feeling which almost seems unbearable. I think this will bring us all together even closer. I think it has served one purpose so far and it is helping my father to get on the airplane on Wednesday and face his fears back in Ireland. He is going to say goodbye to the person who he has been fearful of for so many years. Hopefully, Ireland will be a place he can visit more often after this and he will not be so avoidant of traveling there.

This time I do not feel empty. I do not feel alone. I think I am finally done hoping that he and I will work. We do not fit together. I always think that certain people come into my life for a reason and I realize some positive things that I learned from him but why so long?? I suppose my choice.

I am going to try to stop searching and maybe I will be found. I think it may just work and if it dosen't, it will be ok too.